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Ask TWS

G Knight asks:

"Are we gonna have to subscribe to The Weekly Swamp this year? If so is there a 6 month or 12 month plan for a cheaper deal than month to month? Get back to me on that."

--G Knights

Great question Coach Hair Trece!

We here at TWS understand times are tough...

But you're still paying for it.

So we've decided that we're slashing prices and now our full years' subscription is only $250.00!

And if you pre-order before our first issue we'll give you an entire five dollhairs off!!!

We also have a six month subscription for the low low price of only $225.00!

Payment in full is due yesterday at 6:00 a.m.

Thank you.

--TWS

Feel free to post any questions you may have regarding The Swamp League.... There is a very slight chance we'll put down the bong for it... Thanks!

Commissioner Kratish's State Of The League

There are only so many times that The Commissioner bestows upon us a speech of such magnitude...

This is one of those times. Enjoy this prelude to the 2009 season as well as a memorable journey into the past and learn all about the history of The Swamp League.

Commissioner Kratish's State Of The League

It's about that time of year again, and tempers are already beginning to flare with only 5 days remaining until the 2009 Swamp draft!

Welcome one and welcome all back to the 8th annual Swamp Fantasy Football League!!!

There are many questions yet to be answered, and yet we are still waiting for them to be asked...

After sorting through past scores, complaints, name changes, accident reports, and dusty files (no pun intended), our archives indicate that 1 out of the 4 founding teams have not yet won it all, and it’s not Olo!!! You guessed it, the Big Body Ballers of Gainesville are shitless, I mean shipless. Eight long years it’s been, will the streak end in 09’?

Olo won a championship? Yup, it actually happened. Historians pieced together several clues and artifacts and uncovered the Swamps largest held secret. It was 2003, the Coral Shores Hurricanes upset the Key West Conchs 45-42 in a shootout. The Marlins upset the Yankees in the World Series. Ohio State scraped by Miami in an overtime thriller in the NCAA Championship. And Olo “$U Know$” Karfa brought home The Swamp Gold.

Wait, Olo won and we all know the Gators are engraved on the trophy a couple times….. who’s the 3rd and remaining founding team to win it all? That honor goes to the inaugural season champions. It was a holy year for us …….. In 2002, four sport’s fanatics came together, wondering what to do with their Sundays. It was then that The Swamp league was created, and it was then that The Buccaneers, aka The New Dallor, aka Hibbert won it all. Are the Kings/Bucs/The New Dallor satisfied with the “one and done” philosophy?

Finally we come to the 4th and final founding team, the Gators. It’s old news that the famed team won it all back to back in 04’ and 05’, but what about some other stat? Some other success that this team holds? Let’s look back to 02’, 03’, 07’, and 08’. The Commissioner took his rowdy bunch all the way to the finals each of those years, only to take home the silver, the runner-up, the oh-so-close award, the Buffalo Bills special. Some call the commissioner the next Bill Belichick. Other’s call him the down and out Larry Coker. Will the Gators give up Larry Johnson, or Calvin Johnson?

We've all heard enough of the crap, who cares where the league has been? We want to know about the future! The future couldn't be brighter for the Dolphins, who in their second year brought the Championship back to Gainesville with an overall 11-2 record. With Matt Cassel to the Chiefs and Jay Cutler to the Bears, who will be taking the reigns for the Dolphins in 09? Could it be Jason Campbell?

The Dolphins have there work cut out for them to hold the title of best new team….. Word around the Swamp is the New Kids on Tha Bloc have been able to tame the Romo Curse. Tha Kids took the bull by the horns and quickly established themselves contenders, taking home the bronze in their rookie season. Will the gold trophy be making it’s new home in Hotlanta? Only time will tell, but Coach Joiner will be looking for blood.

Well, well, well… what do we have here? Is it a bird? A plane? Showtime Alexander? The Showtimers? Where’d Dallor Go? Nope, it’s just Skip Bradeen, the old salt himself at it again. How many name changes must we endure? Will Showtime spend more time on his changing his roster or his name this year? Hopefully he will change his team’s misfortune. As a bottom dwelling, non-returning champion, Coach Showtime is on the Hot Seat this year. Will Skip pull out a slammer or a peanut?

There are more fireworks to be sure this year, with a whole new round of jabs and left hooks to be thrown between Self’s Soldiers and Hair’s Hooligans. Rumor has it that the Soldier’s were one step away from a one way trip to LAX to throw down with the Hair. But the Dolphins stepped in last second to steal some thunder. Does Self shit? Does Hair care? The fight is on, the stage set, and the Swamp is hosting. Self need’s a leader on his team, not a soldier. Who will he turn too…. Big Ben, Frank Gore? Soldier’s on deck in the Hot Seat.

Next up, the notoriously acclaimed Hooligan of Hair. The Hooligans had a perfect 4-0 preseason. Quarterback Coach Doc Zoidberg was thinking this was their year. TWS had picked the Hooligans as an easy favorite to win. Then the unthinkable happened …. The world stood still and jaws gaped, Tebow wore Superman underwear, Self Shat, as Tom Brady went down in week 1. The season was a total loss for the Hair, finishing in dead last place at a disappointing 3-10. Now that Tom’s back, will he be ready to take on the Swamp in 09’? Hooligans in the hole on the Hot Seat.

Finally, and not most importantly, we have the G Knights. Always a contender and always a fighter, the Knights are looking to take in their League record 3rd championship. But Manning is getting old, and Tony Dungy is gone. Does the two-time champion have life left in him to tough out another year? The Knights struggled to make the playoffs in 08’, and turned in a disappointing 4th place finish. Will it be a Good Year or a G’night for the black and gold?

Good luck gentlemen.

Sincerely,

Commissioner Kratish

Muddin' Through The Swamp

There are a few unexplained mysteries in life... Do aliens exist? Was there ever really an "Atlantis"? Where did Amelia Earhart go? Does Arnold/David Makepeace really have the power to "Make Peace"?

Well we're not the brightest bunch over here at TWS (The Weekly Swamp) but we all know the answer to that last one is an emphatic yes. Except for that one time with Jerome and the tight shirt wearing dinosaur Bozetti.

Now if you have no idea what we just said there, that's OK.

You're not the only one.

We here at TWS understand we have followers from all over the globe. And half the time they can't comprehend a word. Mostly because we couldn't pay for translators so our chinese version looks like this; "Bigbody Ballers ching chang chong G Knights domo arigato mister roboto."

Telemundo and Univision are none too pleased either with our spanish version; "The New Kings tiene un gato en sus pantalones cuando él tomó encendido Gators."

Not our finest hour. And even in English, some can't understand the action!

So for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home, we proudly present to you...

MUDDIN' THROUGH THE SWAMP:

A Guide To Understanding The Most Prolific Fantasy Football League Of All Time


First off, let us say hello to new friends and old. We are The Weekly Swamp. Named after the beloved league we follow, The Swamp, we strive for perfection in reporting.

But we fall short sometimes. Maybe more than short. Maybe really short...

Still, we are ones who bring you anything and everything Swamp related on a weekly basis!

This is a minor introduction into The Swamp so that way the rest of humanity can see what our generation really takes near and dear to their hearts.... FANTASY FOOTBALL!

The Swamp Fantasy Football League was founded by Matthew Krattish, Olo Karpha, Eric Brandon and Andrew Hibbert in 2002 out of boredom, football fanaticism, and lack of sexual prowess. But little did they know what this ragtag collection would evolve into over the course of time.

Over the years they have had members come and go, rotating in and out the best of the best.

As of the 2009 season this is the current roster;


Team Coach Name

Gators -- Coach/Commish Kratish -- Matthew Kratish

BigBody Ballers -- Coach BigBody -- Eric Brandon

The New Kings -- Coach Hair Deuce aka Coach Kingsley -- Andrew Hibbert

Dough Boyz -- Coach Killa Karpha -- Oluyemi "Olo" Karpha

G Knights -- Coach Hair Trece -- Ricky Geer

Patrick Chewing -- Coach Showtime -- John Easevoli

Hairs Hooligans -- Coach Doc Zoidberg/Owner Hollywood Hair -- Roy Geer

Dolphins -- Coach Nesto -- Ernesto Echevarria

Self Soldiers -- Coach Self -- Danny Self

The Blue Crew -- Coach Hightower -- Jeff Joiner




Now there are lots of inside jokes that we'll cover for you from time to time, but at least you get the gist of things.

That's right folks this is only issue numero uno! We don't want your heads exploding all at once... just slowly over the course of the season...

Besides our next piece was written as a prelude to the '09 season and a look back to previous years by the one, the only.... drum roll please..... Commish Kratish!

And we'll be back after a week or two in the season to fill you in more on this slice of heaven we call The Swamp League.



COMING VERY EXTREMELY... WELL KIND OF SOON... WE THINK....


THE PRE-SEASON PREVIEW POST DRAFT SPECTACULAR SPECIAL

Who's keeping who?

Curse Rumors.....

And someone has made hairstory... Oops, we mean history... Find out who and so much less in...

TWS




@thenewdallor says: .....and so it begins....

Welcome

Welcome to the central news hub for anything and everything Swamp League related!

Swamp League you ask?

There exists a fantasy football league unlike any other. The games, bigger. The stakes, higher. The members.... They're... Unique?

So sit back, relax, and strap on a seat-belt as we take you on a week to week ride called...

THE WEEKLY SWAMP