It killed hundreds in Mexico and has even infiltrated the United States... But Swine Flu is going to have to do better than that to bring down TWS HQ! Begin the groaning because it's time for.....
TWS DOUBLE ISSUE EXTRAVAGANZA; WEEK 3 & 4
WE HAVE WEEK 3 AND WEEK 4 RECAPS!
PADDLIN' DOWN THE SWANEE RIVER, WE FIND COACH SHOWTIME... AND YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM LIKE THIS BEFORE!
IF YOU THOUGHT ONE INTERVIEW WOULD BLOW YOUR MIND, THEN GOODBYE BECAUSE WE HAVE COACH HAIR TRECE GIVING US HIS SECRET ON PUMPING UP THE G KNIGHTS BEFORE A BIG GAME... YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS PRE-GAME RITUAL!
WEEK 4 BROUGHT US THE BIGGEST UPSET IN SWAMP LEAGUE HISTORY, FIND OUT WHAT HAS ROCKED THIS LEAGUE TO THE CORE!
AWARDS, 4TH AND GOAL TWICE OVER, A WEEK 5 PREVIEW, A NEW CURSE, AND SO MUCH LESS IN THIS ISSUE OF.....
THE WEEKLY SWAMP
WEEK 3
Blowouts bonanza!
That's the only way to describe Week 3. Where shall begin?
How about with a forty five point demolishing of the Dough Boyz by the BigBody Ballers 82-37?
Sounds good.
BigBody Ballers - (2-1-0)
Dough Boyz (0-2-1)
Next up we had the Dolphins battling Selfs Soldiers and this wasn't close either! The Soldiers are aiming for the trophy as they knock off the defending champs, 66-47.
Are the Dolphins one and done?
Do the Soldiers have what it takes to make it to the next level?
Selfs Soldiers (2-1-0)
Dolphins (1-2-0)
Coach Showtime and his ever changing faceplate team, Who's Bert Tronics?, run over The Blue Crew 57-38.
Coach Showtime sits down with us in the second half of this double-header and reveals to us a softer side of Zen Mayo's brother from another mother, but will this be his year?
The Blue Crew seem to be sleeping on the job... Time to rally the union fellas!
Who's Bert Tronics? (2-1-0)
The Blue Crew (1-2-0)
The New Kings have gone the way of Coach Showtime... Well just in name at least... The Hibbert Curse has been born.
The legend says that any NFL player drafted by and/or traded/added to The Hibbert Curse is doomed to have at least one critical week out of contention due to injury.
Case in point; Carnell "Cadillac" Williams.
Drafted by The Kings in 2006... Out well before mid-season and never the same...
Chad Ochocinco in 2008? Pretty lackluster right? A member of The New Dallor.
And in 2009? Kevin Smith and Matt Hasselbeck both go down at critical times for The Hibbert Curse...
Week 3 was no different as they fall to the G Knights 87-69.
G Knights (2-1-0)
The Hibbert Curse (0-2-1)
And now it's time for...
4TH AND GOAL
Our closest slopball of a game took place between Hairs Hooligans and the Gators as they duked it out to the very end.
Remaining unbeaten, Hairs Hooligans defeat The Commish and his Gators 71-62.
Who will be the first to take down the Hooligans?
Commish is looking a little off...
Hairs Hooligans (3-0-0)
Gators (1-2-0)
AWARDS
The Green & Gold Award goes to..... G Knights and their 87 point explosion! Congrats!
The Hurricane Award goes to.... BigBody Ballers for taking care of business and continuing on the path to the Championship! Congrats!
Just when you thought you were done...
WEEK 4
Our first matchup of the week was a punishment handed out by the G Knights over the BigBody Ballers 90-42.
Not the kind of week Coach BigBody was looking for as they try to claim gold for the first time in team history.
On the other hand, this was just what Coach Hair Trece and the G Knights were looking for heading into a showdown with The Commish and his Gators.
"At first i was skpetical about my team and Week one didn't prove like i was going to be a threat this year, the feeling just wasn't there. But then i collected my thoughts and realized that I am a proven coach with a couple rings under my belt and that resurged my squad and we ripped off three in a row."
Peyton Manning is looking to have yet another major fantasy year, but is he still at the helm of the G Knights?
"I'm gonna make this quick and easy because everyone knows the answer to this question. Peyton is, and always will be, the capitain and leader of the G Knights."
When it came to Proposition $25, Coach was very confident...
"I am in for prop 25 because face it, I have a good shot at it every year so why not? But I can understand why some players like 'Self Soldiers' and 'Dough Boyz' and whatever name [Coach] Showtime picks this week would be against this because to them it's like throwing money away."
Even though Hairs Hooligans have gone undefeated thus far, G Knights show no mercy. When it came to the question of what would happen first; Hairs Hooligans make the playoffs or Dough Boyz win another Championship this is what he had to say;
"What happens first 'Hairs Hooligans' wins a championship or 'Dough Boyz' makes the playoffs? Frankly I dont think neither will happen before I become a dynasty again but if I had to really pick I guess i would say 'Dough Boyz' makes the playoffs first just cause I might take championship after championship so thats that."
With a huge game against the Gators on the horizon what is the secret pre-game ritual Coach uses to pump up the G Knights?
Get ready to be blown away sports fans....
"Boston's 'More Than A Feeling'"
Who knew that a staple of American Classic Rock was the key to a 3-1-0 start?
You do now. You're welcome.
G Knights (3-1-0)
BigBody Ballers (2-2-0)
1972.
That was the last time we saw a team go completely undefeated throughout a season.
But Coach Doc Zoidberg and Owner Hollywood Hair seem to think they have a chance.
"We're rolling right now. Playing defense was what we were lacking the past few seasons but we think we've got a pretty good mix and we got a chance at something special this year. Either that or we'll fester."
Yet there was no festering this week against the defending champion Dolphins as Hairs Hooligans come up big 79-43.
Hairs Hooligans (4-0-0)
Dolphins (1-3-0)
The curse continues....
The Hibbert Curse falls to Who's Bert Tronics? and now faces a dire situation.
"Week 5 is huge for us. We have to win. Period."
And we didn't ask for an interview... He was just at our HQ screaming at our staffers something about how much he hates Monday nights...
But guess who we did interview...
"Well first off let me say it's an honor being picked for a TWS interview. I know a lot of people are waiting for me to start shit talking and running my mouth. Well guess what, Coach Showtime has grown up and matured.
Whats the point, it's not like I'm out on the field playing the game. I'm sitting behind a screen picking who to start. I still got a nasty habit of changing the name of my team but I stopped using names like "Bigsloppy Ballers" or "The Gaytors". Actually I'm really close to settling down on a permanent name. I'm not saying everyone needs to stop the trash talk cause it does add entertainment to the league but I'm taking a little break."
This is a much different Coach Showtime than what we've seen in the past. Is this the path to glory? Or just another mind game being played by the dirtiest player in the game?
TWS: New Kings had you on the ropes... Then a gigantic second half of gameage on Sunday combined with a big Monday night gave Coach Kingsley yet another reason to sob... Give us your thoughts during that game...
Well I was in Jax that day, (NOT HANNAHVILLE) and wasn't really around stat tracker but I had a feeling Coach Kingsley's team would put up some points and it would be a true test for my team. I was fortunate enough to pick up 49's Defense who happened to give me 39 points ( Is that a record?) and really seal the deal. Minutes before the game I decided to sit Palmer and start my franchise QB, Rivers. I feel I got lucky that game, nobodies defense gets them 39 points!"
39 points is the highest we can remember any defense getting in recent memory but we'll get back to you on that one Coach.
TWS: Prop $25... Yes or No? And there are whispers of a new draft order - NFL Style... Any thougts?
"I wouldn't mind an NFL style draft. Hell I wouldn't even mind making trades for draft picks!"
He doesn't seem too bothered by his next matchup against Coach BigBody.
"My strategy for the BigBody Ballers is simple, I got A.P. at STL and half of his startes are on bye week!"
The BigBody Ballers don't seem to scare Coach Showtime but when we mentioned curse rumors he got a little jittery...
"Curses... It seems like yesterday when I traded Romo away and that damn curse started. I haven't beaten Self Soldiers yet and I dont think Bigbody has either, so maybe there's some sort of roommate curse going on. There must be someone with a Coach Kingsley voodo doll out there cause that guy is having a rough year!"
And speaking of Coach Kingsley... We asked what would happen first... A Hairs Hooligans loss or a The Hibbert Curse win?
"That's a tough one, I'm going to have to plead the 5th on this one but let me say this, Hibberts team will not go winless."
Dallor.
It's like Voldemort. He who shall not be named.
But it had to be asked... What of Sir Dustin Allor?
"Oh Dusty, what can I say, he's like a wart, he grows on you. Listen everyone has their own opinion on Dustin Diamond Allor but you can't deny that he took this league serious. He would know when you would pick someone up for your team before you even logged onto yahoo! Annoying, yes but dedicated! The kid did his homework. Do I think that we've seen the last of Dallor in the Swamp League?
No, I don't."
There has always been talks of opening up the league to two more teams... And Coach Showtime gave us his opinion...
"I know there's been talks about expanding the league by two teams and I feel it's definitely something to think about. I know a lot of people who've been asking about joining the league. It's a competitive league. I think the point system is perfect, the number of players used is perfect, the draft could use a different approach though."
And of course what about some Swamp League gear?
"Listen I can't speak for everyone but I know I look forward to the weekend and fantasy football, it's a fun league. So yeah I think the commish is doing a good job. Do I think he could hook it up with personal jerseys or shirts that rep the league, yeah why not. I do wish the name of it [The Swamp League] would change!"
Who's Bert Tronics? (3-1-0)
The Hibbert Curse (0-3-1)
Selfs Soldiers have been on a tear after losing that first week to The Commish. Three in a row after Week 4's win over The Blue Crew 78-52.
And now they face their rival, Hairs Hooligans.
1 vs. 2. And the Trash Talking Trophy is once again up for grabs. Last year Coach Self took home the beloved crown, but they'll face a much better Hooligan team this year...
HH: Your Soldiers better be ready for war....
SS: WE READY!
Selfs Soldiers (3-1-0)
The Blue Crew (1-3-0)
And now we come to....
4TH & GOAL
And this was THE BIGGEST UPSET IN SWAMP LEAGUE HISTORY!!!
If we were to tell you that Coach Killa Karpha took out the top dog Commish Kratish, would you believe us? Oh, you'd commit us to the insane asylum? Yea that sounds about right... but ladies and gentlemen as we sit here and type this, it happened.
In a season where almost everything has already happened, the impossible occurred. The improbable took place. Dough Boyz defeated the Gators!
It was a hard fought battle but the Dough Boyz took down to the one and plowed through for the W.
Could this be an Olo year?
Will the Gators rebound against a tough as nails G Knights team in Week 5 or continue a downward spiral towards a number one pick in 2010?
Dough Boyz (1-2-1)
Gators (1-3-0)
Week 4 Rankings
- Hairs Hooligans
- Selfs Soldiers
- Who's Bert Tronics?
- G Knights
- BigBody Ballers
- Dough Boyz
- Dolphins
- Gators
- The Blue Crew
- The Hibbert Curse
Week 5 Matchups
Hairs Hooligans*
vs.
Selfs Soldiers*
G Knights
vs.
Gators
Who's Bert Tronics?
vs.
BigBody Ballers
The Blue Crew**
vs.
The Hibbert Curse**
Dolphins
vs.
Dough Boyz
* Denotes Major Rivalry Game
** Dubbed "The Battle Of The Bottom Of The Barrel"
AWARDS
The Green & Gold Award goes to... Who's Bert Tronics? 102 points, only the second time in 09 that a team has broken into triple digits! Congrats!
The Hurricane Award goes to.... Yup you guessed it... Dough Boyz! To pull off such a major upset gives us all a reminder of why we love this game and this league so very much! Congrats!
You can catch even more Swamp League swag at our website;
www.TheWeeklySwamp.blogspot.com
or
Follow us on Twitter;
@TheWeeklySwamp
That Swine Flu almost worked....
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