Well, well, well... Guess who's back?

Cue the 'boos'.

That's right ladies and germs, we've risen from the ashes of the most devastating lockout since the infamous 2000 Coral Shores High School Homecoming Sit-in!!! We're back just in time to recall the fleeting moments of the 2010 season, back with 4^th and Goal, The Green and Gold Award and The Hurricane Award, back with that hard hitting Swamp League news coverage, and of course we're back with that Michael Cole swagg-- GLASS SHATTERS... Uh oh.

Oh did we mention we've partnered up with Vincent Kennedy McMahon Jr. this year giving the WWF (side note: The Weekly Swamp does not recognize the world wildlife funds theft of wrestlings best known icon sans Hulk Hogan, the WWF logo and name) what it truly needs, issues of the best newsletter known to man?

That means we'll have special guest appearances from the WWF all over our issues during the 10th year of what Tony Bruno would call SWAMP LEAGUE ACTION YO! And the party bus rolling along that 95 South doesn't stop there TWS fans.

With the move of TWS HQ to Hollywood (known to many now as Hairlywood) The Editor-In-Chief has pulled some strings to bring even more A-List celebs into the mix. Hey... At least we're giving a shit this year...

For those of you that are new to The Weekly Swamp, be forewarned, this newsletter is just awful. It's not that the fantasy football league we cover is boring, just the opposite. 

The Swamp League was started by a small collection of pigskin fanatics who discovered that the thrill of fantasy football filled the void that living, what seemed like, a million miles away from Joe Robbie Stadium created.

But the origin and highlights of the past ten years for this historic and evolving group is for another issue.

The point we're taking forever to make is this; the league is fantastic, it's the combination of shoddy coverage, randomness and constant curses we put over the owners that make us barely readable.

We're kind of like Shane McMahon and The Meanstreet Posse or the typical LA blonde. Incredibly dumb, easy to hate, but hard to take your eyes of off.

We recap the weekly events of The Swamp League; scores, standings, side bets, and the occasional name change. Throughout the season, TWS will explain backstories of our past, present and future like episodes of LOST; sans the black smoke monster and Richard Alperts black eyeliner.

Now sit back and enjoy the craziness that is The Weekly Swamp!

"CAR!!! CAR!!!" ...LOCKOUT ENDS... "GAME ON!!! GAME ON!!!" WAYNE AND GARTH STOP TO GIVE THEIR SEASONAL PREDICTIONS SHAAAAAAWING

THE CORPORATION, VINNIE MAC AND THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF GET READY TO RUMBLE

TWS’ NEW TREASURER TED THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN DIBIASE RECOUNTS THE ROAD TO A SWAMP LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP WHILE SCAMMING ORPHANAGES AND MULTIPLE CHARITIES

All this and so much less in this first 2011 issue of...

THE WEEKLY SWAMP

A note from the desk of The Editor-In-Chief;

Back again for another year of Swamp League madness, TWS promises to bring you things of a Swamp League nature. Doing so, we have a few seasonal points we’d like to make.

-- We are NEVER on time. If we say episode VII is coming out on Halloween, expect it around New Years. That’s just how we roll.

-- The comments made in any of our interviews by parties other than TWS employees and affiliates, which do not include coaches and/or owners, do not reflect the ideals or beliefs of TWS, WWF, or any subsidiary company within.

-- We will try to explain all inside jokes and references, but…. We’re kind of lazy, so yea.

-- Virginia is for lovers. So sayeth Sir Malice and Lord Pusha T. With that being said, this publication is NSFW; not suitable for work. But hey, if you can get away with it…

-- TWS has hired some new security, a few members of the WWE which we’ll get to in a later article. In the meantime we’d like to welcome our new Head of Security, a man who comes highly recommended by our leagues own Coach Showtime! Apparently they did some sort of video shoot together a few years back… Anyways, without further ado, we bring to you our new Head of Security; Zen Mayo!

As we mentioned we are partnering up with World Wrestling Federation, bringing in some major star power. We begin with our newest Treasurer, the richest man in wrestling, Ted The Million Dollar Man DiBiase. For the low price of $999.95, he’s bringing to you the last bits and pieces of 2010. Pay us soon or he’s gonna Million Dollar Dream us! Enjoy TWSaholics!

With innapropriate hugs and kisses,

-- Editor-In-Chief

A Million Dollar Dream

Ha, ha, ha!! TWS fans, you’re about to be awoken to the realization that dreams do come true, but for the right price! I’m not even writing this article, Virgil my bodyguard is doing that right now because I paid him to do it. Ha, ha, ha!

So even me, The Million Dollar Man has a price. As such, we’re here to bring you the tale of a golden dream finally realized. Let’s take you back in time when the cold winds of December are upon us and the postseason is just under way. Yea Virgil write that. No, not that sentence! Or this one, oh let me--

A founding father of The Swamp is in first place, and breathe easy, it’s not The Commish aka Gators. The BigBody Ballers look to finally capture FF glory but he’ll have to run thru the ranks to do it.

The sneaky G Knights are on a bye as well coasting towards the semifinals.

While the Gators shred The Showtimers, Hair’s Dallors squek right past The Dough Boyz and just like that we’re down to four titans looking for paydirt.

Unfortunately for Hairs Dallors, The Hibbert Curse reared it’s ugly head as they fall to the high powered offense of The BigBody Ballers. On the other side of The Swamp two former champs lock horns as the G Knights take on the Gators. The Commish proved too much for Coach Hair Trece and his G Knights as they get knocked out for the season, leaving a championship bout of massive proportions.

On one side you have The Commish, a staple of The Swamp and three time champion.

The other side? The BigBody Ballers. Usually the bridesmaid, never the bride. A dangerous collection of superstars that always seem to fall short on the rent.

Some reports indicate that The BigBody Ballers paid off a few of their players to rack up the score they did that day. Well at least that’s what I would have done, how do you think I became champion? Ha ha ha!

In the end, when the dust was settled, it was RTD aka Coach BigBody who was finally hoisting the trophy this silly league doesn’t even have.

End of story. Can I get paid in cash?

-- The Million Dollar Man

Thanks to The Million Dollar Man for that, now onto our first week of Swamp League action!

Our first matchup segways perfectly into our newest segment sponsored by Toyota; Biggest Blowout!!

Our first Biggest Blowout belongs to Selfs Soldiers as they roll over Dough Boyz 80-28 a staggering 52 point differential.

Dough Boyz and their low scoring affair of 28 points were due to some lackluster QB work by Matty Ice and the Pittsburgh D going for negative numbers. All three keepers combined for a total of 2 points, not the start Coach O was looking for.

Scoring a healthy 80 points, Coach Self proved his Soldiers are ready for duty. Up next in Week 2 they face Coach Doc Zoidberg and his Hooligans for The Trash Talk Trophy!

Dough Boyz (0-1-0)

Selfs Soldiers (1-0-0)

Up next we have Coach Hair Trece and his G Knights taking on newly renamed The Mus-CHAMPS. Coach JJ is looking to bring his team back to 2009 status where they took home the championship rings. Coach Hair Trece looking to do what they do best, score points. But something is missing… Actually someone is missing…

Ruled out of action for Week 1 and possibly forever, Peyton Manning rides the pine for the first time in Swamp League history. Coach Hair Trece turned to his 11^th allor backup, Chad Henne??

26 points from the Phins QB, a few Tolbert touchdowns and an Eagles defense later and you have the G Knights ruling the roost with 103 total points, taking out The Mus-CHAMPS and looking for that Green & Gold Award.

Our sponsor Toyota would like to introduce a new award, not necissarily given out on a weekly basis, called Corolla’s Mr. Clutch! The award is given to any team that makes the dreaded and prayed for Monday night comeback win and this week G Knights take home the medal. Stay tuned as they aren’t the only team to take it home!

G Knights (1-0-0)

The Mus-CHAMPS (0-1-0)

Hey Garth?

Yea Wayne?

What do call a hot chick that plays fantasy football?

I don’t know Wayne, what?

A stacked-tracker.

Right on, right on!

IT’S THE SWAMP LEAGUE!!!

THE SWAMP LEAUGE!!!

ACTION TIME!!!

Ok, all right! Party on Garth!

Party on Wayne!

We’re here to pick who we think are going to make it all the way to the finals this year based soley on our sophisticated system, right Garth?

Yea… We picked whose quarterback name we liked the most. You go first Wayne.

Ok, so I’m going with The Golden Canes because they have my favorite quarterback… Michael Dick.

Ha, ha, ha! Good one Wayne!

Thanks Garth, your turn.

K so I’m leaning towards The-Mus CHAMPS and their QB…. Tony Homo.

Ha, ha, ha, excellent! Well, their you have it Swamp fans, we’ll be back in future weeks to give you more picks. Party on Garth!

Party on Wayne!

IT’S SWAMP LEAGUE!!!!

ACTION TIME!!!

Many thanks both Wayne and Garth!

Back to The Swamp as the 2011 defending champs, the BigBody Ballers, take on Coach Doc. Zoidberg in a long awaited game for the Hooligans.

“We had a great draft! Ray and Tom are ready to go and McFadden is learning the new system. We’re saying it right here, right now. We’re making the playoffs”, boasted Owner Hollywood Hair.

But at the end of the day on Sunday it looked bleak for Hair’s Hooligans who were down by over 30 points on Monday morning.

Tom Brady was certainly ready for a comeback W as he throws for over 500 yards and 4 TDs, giving the Hooligans a much needed confidence boost. Another recepient of the Corolla Mr. Clutch award, HH hope to keep the ball rolling towards a first championship.

Hair’s Hooligans (1-0-0)

BigBody Ballers (0-1-0)

The Commish and his Gators snatch the W from The Golden Canes, as they push for another championship in their 10^th season.

Next week, the Gators take on the Dough Boyz who are looking to rebound from their bottom barrel performance last week as The Golden Canes take on The Showtimers.

Gators (1-0-0)

The Golden Canes (0-1-0)

As promised, we’d like to announce our WWE bodyguards over at TWS HQ, Farooq and Bradshaw aka The APA aka The Acolyte Protection Agency.

You’ve been stuffed three times… It’s full-back time on the crucial play of…

4TH & GOAL

4^th and Goal is where we take a peek at the closest game of the week and this one’s a doozy!

Another Corolla Mr. Clutch award is given out this week, but who’s the final lucky recepient?

The Showtimers vs. Hairs Dallors. The Battle at The Beach Shack.

They used to be co-workers, even friends. Now? Bitter enemies. Well, not really but this has to be dramatic right??

After a goal line stance from the New England D, you’d think being up by a couple scores would be enough. Not for Tommy Golden Boy Brady… A 99 yard, yes you are reading that correctly, 99 yard TD pass to Wes Welker does in Coach Kingsley aka Coach Hair Deuce and the loveable losers as the Showtimers score a come from behind shocker winning by only 4 points!!!

The Showtimers (1-0-0)

Hairs Dallors (0-1-0)

AWARDS

The Green and Gold Award goes to the player with the most points for the week. And this week it goes to G Knights for their 103 point performance. Congrats!!

The Hurricane Award goes to the player who shows the most heart in a week. Hard to record and describe and different every week!  The first Hurricane Award goes to Dough Boyz because scoring 28 points deserves some sort of recognition…

What about Vinnie Mac and The Editor in a sit down?

Why is Coach Kingsleys team name Hairs Dallors?

What the heck is the Trash Talk Trophy?

Told you we had shoddy coverage….

Find us on our website;

www.theweeklyswamp.blogspot.com

and follow us on Twitter...

@theweeklyswamp

We’ve waited over a year for this?? Yikes….